you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
