Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
