You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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