I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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