i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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