Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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