We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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