I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
bring money and cleavage
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize