one two three fourrrrnication!
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
