Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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