I think i sorta joined a cult last night
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
