Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
