PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
