I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize