Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
