You made me cry and you don't even care
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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