I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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