You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
