Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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