There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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