News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
