I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i love accidental penises.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
