Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
