Please, let me fuck your mom
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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