You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
