if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
