If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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