i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
