No more Irish car bombs ever.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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