I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
