They should really pass out barf bags in church
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
