I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I wear drunk well.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
