So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
