Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
