i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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