you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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