It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
