So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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