is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
dude. I can hear the air.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
