lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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