First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
