I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
