So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Randomize
