You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
