Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
