You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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