me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize