you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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