I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
