I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
