Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
