my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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