I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
