32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize