He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
