at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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