I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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