Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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