i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
