Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
