Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
