I think my fart just growled at me.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
