Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
