A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Shitshow foam night was such a success
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
