can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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