Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
