Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
