I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize