Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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