Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
