my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize