oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
