God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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