Please, let me fuck your mom
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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