You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
