Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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