i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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