Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
