Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
