so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
