Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
