So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
