Did you just see the Batmobile???
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
