Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It's never too late to be topless.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
