I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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